Drunk Talisman
Drunk Talisman is the second episode of Beer & Board Games. Once again, it stars Aaron and Andrew Yonda. Its tagline: "The Challenge: 2 Brothers. Drink 6 Beers... Each. While Playing a Board Game. And Survive..." WARNING This is the first episode to begin with a warning. WARNING LOTS OF SWEARING AND DRUNKEN RUDENESS IN THIS VIDEO. AND LOTS OF GOOD TIMES. Aaron: Woo! Divorce! Andrew: Woo! Beer 1 The beer is Black Scotch Ale from the O'So Brewing Co. Andrew: Hello and welcome to the second year of Beer and Board Games. Aaron: Everyone was so angry that we didn't drink out of a mug last time when we did this - Andrew: Bitter. Aaron: - that we went and got our parents' marriage goblets. I actually call them divorce mugs because our parents are divorced. It's horrible. It's very sad. Look it. There's an "R" for my dad and a "J" for my mom. Andrew: Okay. Enough therapy there, dude. Let's drink. Aaron: Divorce mugs! Beer 2 Andrew: (referring to the Black Scotch Ale) It is a fine beer. It goes down smooth. Aaron: It tastes very rich. Andrew: Like our divorced parents aren't. (poking at the bottom of the mug) There's still a pricetag on here from like, 40 years ago. Aaron: I don't think these were ever used by our parents who got divorced. Andrew: I think after the divorce they just put them in the closet, just like all of their hopes and desires for life. Aaron: (pulling the lid off the box) Hey! Let's play Talisman! (tosses the lid at the camera) Andrew: You're drunk. Aaron: I will be. Andrew: It was probably that burrito that put you over the edge. Aaron: Yes, the burrito fucked me hard. Andrew: We've been playing Talisman since we were little girls so we know the game inside and out. But we're pretty excited about this new expansion: The Sacred Pool. Aaron: Didn't you do a Borat impression at the end of the last video? Andrew: Oh! (as Borat) I'ma Borat! Aaron: Christ. Andrew: I'm just having fun, man. Aaron: Okay, help me unpack the game. If I was inventing a new beer, I would call - Andrew: I would call the president and say, "Hey! I made a new beer." Aaron: What? Because you wanted the president to know about it? Andrew: You never know when he's gonna say, "Oh, that's so cool! Like, come to the wethouse." Aaron: The wethouse? All right. I'm gonna go. It's a little dangerous to go there right now so I'm gonna go to the temple. Andrew: (throws a card down) Lightning Bolt! Aaron: What? Andrew: You can't do anything for the rest of the turn. My turn. Aaron: Wait - Andrew: (throwing down another card) Time Steal! You lose your turn and I get your turn. (draws card) Unicorn! Add one to your strength and one to your craft. Aaron: God... Andrew: Just what the doctor ordered. Aaron: "Just what the doctor ordered." He also ordered a new pussy. As soon as I say something I'm like, "That's edited out of the video". Andrew: I'm casting Mini Vortex on you. Aaron: What? Andrew: Mini Vortex. Aaron: Mini Vortex sounds like, um, a new burrito at Taco Bell. Andrew: Cut. Aaron: Everything I've said so far has been unusable. Last time, Andrew didn't eat anything. Never mind. It's getting cut out. I didn't say that in a sound bite so now we can't use it in the video. Beer 3 The beer is Wasatch Polygamy Porter. Aaron: Wasatch Polygamy Porter. Andrew: (as Ali G) Wasaaaaatch! Aaron: Ha ha ha. No! Andrew holds the beer in front of the camera, blocking Aaron. Aaron: I'm talking! Andrew: You were talking about this. Aaron: The beer's in front of me. It's four percent. It's like nothing. If you were from like Germany, you'd probably think we were drinking water. Andrew: If you were from Cambodia, you'd be like, "You guys are drinking water". Aaron: It tastes sorta like mud. Andrew holds his mug up as beer drips down the side of it. Aaron: God. You're spilling. You're spilling! Beer 4 Andrew: I'm cutting you off. No more than three more beers for you. Phone rings. Aaron: Oh, shit. Another phone call. Andrew: Some people refuse to turn off their phone when they're shooting a fucking video. Aaron: Who are you talking about? Andrew gestures to Aaron with his head while grunting. Aaron: Someone with a neck injury? (holding up a card to the camera) Say one thing about Talisman, they go some sexy Chill Wraiths. Andrew: And then there's music and it's like, and then you overhear, you hear on the music like, "I'm drinking another beer" and then that's the part where you see me doing this (lifts his mug to his mouth). I'm drinking another beer. You know? Andrew lifts his mug to his mouth again. We overhear, "I'm drinking another beer and then that's the part where you see me doing this." Aaron: Okay, I'll do your thought process. Andrew: (overdubbed by Aaron) I'm drinking a beer. Aaron: Now you do mine. (overdubbed by Andrew) I'm such a loser. Boy was I stupid. Beer 5 The beer is Dragon's Milk. Aaron: We're drinking - (Andrew is trying to remove the cap from his beer and is making a lot of noise) we're about to - Hey! I'm trying to speak. It says roasty malt character intermingled with deep vanilla tones all dancing in an oak bath. Andrew blows on the bottle. Aaron: So this is probably our rick, our ricky, rickityest, our - this is - Dragon's Milk. Here we go. First taste. Oh my God. It tastes really good. I was expecting like the sort of ashes, you know, New Orleans flood beer that we had last time. Andrew: So, you know, if you're on a date, you might want to suggest some Dragon's Milk. Aaron: If you're on three dates, you might want to try a Polygamy Porter. Beer 6 Andrew: How much alcohol will I get in my bloodstream if I drink five beers? UUUUUHHHH. Aaron: You were definitely doing Borat again. Andrew: I really feel like we should play Street Fighter right now. They laugh. The camera cuts to them sitting in front of the television playing Street Fighter. They laugh as both of their Blanks keep ramming into each other. Aaron: Oh, you're gonna fucking die! Look! Andrew: (as he dies) Nooooo! Oh my God! Aaron: The beer was pretty good. Dragon's Milk being the best. Andrew: (as Borat) So thank you for watching Beer Eat A Board Game. They close the episode with a toast, knocking their mugs. Next Time A scene from the next episode, Drunk "Magic the Gathering", is shown and thus ends the video. Credits Starring Aaron Yonda Andrew Yonda Edited by Aaron Yonda Music Kevin Macleod Special Thanks Matt Sloan